Only If You’re Silent Will I Love You 🔊


Photo credit Pete Longworth []


Bodies merging
Euphoric happiness
Loving confirmations
Minds connecting effortlessly
Talk of dreams and future

How could this possibly not be right?

♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️

You move in
Sense moves out
But I’m too happy to notice
Too happy to notice that nothing gets resolved, nothing develops
That words are empty diversions from anything that might hurt
I’m too happy to notice that I’m not really being noticed

Bodies merging
Euphoric happiness
Loving confirmations
Minds connecting effortlessly
Talk of dreams and future

How could this possibly not be right?

♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️

Our first disagreement, and you go silent for days
I ask you to hold me but you can’t
I ask what you need to be happy again, but you turn your back
My heart is slowly starting to ache
But I don’t want to listen
Instead I put it in a box and I store it away

Bodies merging
Euphoric happiness
Loving confirmations
Talk of dreams and future

How could this possibly not be right?

♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️

Work is stressing you, an email makes you mad, and I see you slip away before my eyes
I beg for you to talk to me, to connect, but you don’t see me
I try to understand, figure out how to help
“You can never understand!”, you say, annoyed with me for trying
“You have never done what I’m doing, you can never understand my suffering!”
And my heart is aching again, inside its box

Bodies merging
Euphoric happiness
Talk of dreams and future

How could this possibly not be right?

♥️ ♥️ ♥️

Weeks of silence-treatment, followed by remorseful apologies and blissful connection
Heaven and hell alternating, and I tiptoe around, afraid to trigger the latter
You promise it will all change, later, when this and that is done
Later we will go travelling, meet up with friends, be happy, start living life
But I see your deadline move with a pace identical to time itself
I know “later” is not approaching, but I want to believe you
I really want to believe you

Bodies merging
Talk of dreams and future

How could this possibly not be right?

♥️ ♥️

I’m a bottle of suppressed emotions and silenced words and I’m getting fizzy
In tears I tell you my formula: let me talk, cry, then hug me and I’m fine!
It’s worked for decades before!
You look at my tears in despise
“You’re mentally ill”, you tell me, with your white coat on and your psychologist voice, and with a big plaster over my mouth as the only treatment you end the conversation
And I believe you

“Only if you’re silent will I love you”, are the words I hear
and I accept the terms

So we don’t talk about us
Instead, we talk about everyone else
Judge other people’s relationships, other people’s actions
And there’s a lot to say – no one is really quite good enough
I hear myself judge with you, and my voice is foreign to me
I don’t know it, and I don’t like it
But I’m desperate for release
At least we are talking, and I can let some of my own feelings seep out without you noticing
Without you punishing me with your silence
And it’s keeping me from exploding

It is our only glue, the talking of others
At least in “us and them”, there is an “us”, and I’m willing to sacrifice everyone else for your closeness, your connection
Because by now I’m starving
I know how you think so I say the right words
We bond by building a wall around us
Building connection by disconnecting from the world
I see it grow, the wall, and soon it’s too high for anyone on the outside to see me
“There’s only you – we’re all alone in this world!” you keep telling me
And I hear a weak voice inside objecting, but I can feel it now, the loneliness, so I cling on to the nearest rock

My heart is screaming from inside its box, and the dim echo vibrating within me finally has me acting, turning to the only medicine I trust: space
I go away, and I arrange for you to have the means to move out whilst I’m gone, to save our relationship until you’re done with your this and thats and our “real life” can start
You don’t
I come back, you are still there, and you talk about children
But not us

Bodies merging

How could this possibly not be right?


That box around my heart is starting to crack
My leaking heart is bleeding through – internal bleeding shutting down my system
I find myself on the bedroom floor, hyperventilating, in panic
“We talk about it tomorrow”, you say as you look up from the TV couch, for a second meeting my begging eyes
We don’t

“This is not working, and there’s nothing more to say”, you declare at breakfast
“I’m not going to talk about it”

“Only if you’re silent are you safe”, are the words I hear
and to save myself, I accept the terms
I rip my vocal cords out of my throat, leave you all I have left and run to find a place to hide and heal, in silence


The Three Guardians Of The Heart 🔊


You tell her that she’s guarded
She nods and says “I know!”
You tell her she should drop that guard
“Just have some fun, let go!”

Your comment makes her feel like
her cautiousness is wrong
She blames herself for letting
her three guardians come along

⚔️  ⚔️  ⚔️

Yes, three men guard a female heart
Ensure that it is free
Protect it from all enemies
and that’s how it should be!

The first one is her bodyguard
That big guy you can see
His arm’s around her shoulders
He’d hurt you if need be

The next one is her strategist
Her future’s in his hand
He kneels there on her left hand side
drawing battles in the sand

The third one stands behind her
One never sees his face
He whispers words like passion, joy,
connection, freedom, grace

They’re warriors, they’re spirits
They help her find her way
They only want what’s best for her
and if that’s fun, well hey!

But you ask of her to ditch them!
You say they keep her closed
But if you’d tried to look for it
you’d known her heart’s exposed

There’s nothing closed, these guards will bless
whoever dares to try
to touch her heart with true intent
But you don’t have that, why?

⚔️  ⚔️  ⚔️

Oh little boys of summer town
You talk of truth and light
You want the world a better place
You ask why people fight

And then you play your games, which feed
insecurity and fear
How shall we fill this world with trust
if we can’t do it here!

No, you think that you must trick her,
pretend, to get your way
I tell you, honesty and trust
will get you further, any day!

⚔️  ⚔️  ⚔️

Oh little boys of summer town
when will you ever learn
You’re all the same, too scared to show
your true intent and earn

the trust of those three warriors
that guard the female heart
No, you tell her that she’s safe without,
then leave her in the dark!

You do it out of fear
because you too have let them go!
A man with warriors by his side
would never treat her so

Yes, little boys of summer town
grow up and be those men
that earn your women’s trust and help
their guardians in again

Shall we? 🔊


you look at me
I look at you
and we both know that we could

if we wanted to

but you want protective rules:
weekdays are for working
and Sundays you need to do your laundry

what about Saturday afternoons?
Saturday afternoons between 2 and 4.30 could work?
in between surf and sunset beers with the boys
you could text me during the day to confirm
you really DO want to keep seeing me
I inspire you, you say – I’m such a free and spontaneous soul!

you look at me, in anticipation
I look at you, trying to make sense of your words
and I know that we could, if we wanted to
but I guess you don’t

not enough

what I hear you saying is that you want to suck the freedom and spontaneity out of my veins, bottle it up and drink it between 2 and 4.30 on Saturday afternoons?
like you take a health supplement instead of eating greens

I’m not fucking Berocca!

you look at me, then look away
I look at you, and try to understand

I don’t

I look away

you look at me
you look away

we both know we could
we both know it could be absolutely frighteningly beautiful
but no, not with those rules around it

not with freedom bottled up as a supplement

we’d better not look…